Guilt Driving

June 15 Blog Post

Feeling guilting when I need to be alone

Recently I was given the opportunity to attend a conference for special needs families. While the situation did allow for families to bring their loved ones, so that all could attend. I felt that it was in the best interest of both me and my daughter for me to go alone this year.

Well, that did not go over well with my kiddo. She felt that I was neglecting to include her.

The guilt hit like a tornado.

I love being with her, I love doing activates with her.

I needed this time alone, and this event was all about the changes that are happening in our family right now. The need to consider guardianship, trust, able account, and our future for her.

This is not only an opportunity for me to learn, but in all honesty a chance for me to be alone. With other adults. It truly something I don’t get a lot of.

So, I asked my parents (who live far from me, but thankfully close to the conference!!) They of course loved the idea of a weekend with their granddaughter and started making plans for both sunny, and rainy days.

The guilt was still there, with each step I planned, each time it was discussed.

Until one day she just blew. “You didn’t even think about me, I could go, I could sit quietly, I could…”

I let her finish her rant and then looked at her with love.

The guilt eating at me the entire time but knowing that I was doing the right thing.

“I understand that you feel abandoned, and that I am getting do something that looks like fun, and parts of it will be.” I said in truth “This is what is going to happen, you will be with your grandparents, safe and sound. I will be attending the conference.”

She continued to rant that I wasn’t negotiating at all.

No, I wasn’t.  The guilt was still there I was feeling the abandonment too just from the opposite point of view. I knew it wasn’t true though.

“I did consider that you could have gone, got to swim (part of why she wanted to go with, the hotel would have a pool), I considered bringing you part of the time. But I feel that this once its best for it to be this way”

That was it.

I gave her a hug

I didn’t and haven’t engaged in anymore discussion about it.

Because I know that its ok for parents to do things without their children,

I know that I could have come up with a plan that included her.

I chose not to and that is ok!

It’s okay for me to attend this event alone as long as I know she is safe.

Its ok for me to even have fun!

Often as parents we allow our guilt to drive the bus.

Its ok for it to ride, but I am the driver!!!

The entire time I felt the guilt of leaving her behind.

I just didn’t let it win the argument.