I have no idea who I am anymore, what I want or what I like.

I used to love so many things about life. When Kiddo came I had to lear and adjust, I lost apart of my self.

Then her diagnosis, surgeries, and therapy, I became another version of me and that felt less like me and more like a robot.

Then the mental health issues crashed in with a vengeance for her and again I lost my own because being a good mom was all I was at that point.

Now it’s my own health and mental health that is suffering. I have new found food allergies that are bad enough I have a epi, and the hospital on speed dial.

I have my own therapy, and crap to deal with that I put asid for years. and the counselor dares to ask well who are you outside of being a mom.

I have no clue woman.

Today I have not tips, no tricks, no suggestions to give you.

And Im not really asking for any myself.

This is more an entry of me admitting that I do not have it together.

But I do have the greatest love for being a mom, for myself.

I will continue to take care of myself and my daughter. Learning to not put one aside for the other is hard, I want to be a good mom and to me that’s putting my self after her.

In reality tho I can not take care of her empty.

So I am taking more time to fill up.